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How I'm feeling: A return to work, a new phase of recovery

This past week was hard. I'm so glad that work is going well, because otherwise this past week reminded me that I'm still recovering mentally and physically. 

I saw my surgeon Monday for a 6-month follow up and got a great report. When I complimented how well the stitches healed, she returned it to me and said that being healthy played a huge role in the fact the scars are fading away nicely. Teamwork. :) 

My surgeon told me that I'll need to go for a mammogram in a month so we can compare my boob before and after treatment. Along with breast checks, this is something I have no interest in doing whatsoever; both represent the beginning of this path I never want to have to embark on again. A friend suggested bringing someone with me to the appointment, which I'm open to.  

So, I got to deal with those feelings.  

An hour after that appointment, I met with a personal trainer. It went differently than I imagined, but it was good. By good I mean I followed along and did the things, and got praise on my form, and know that the exercises I did are ones that I need. 

That said, I was wrecked the rest of the week and still have not recovered. I had to significantly adjust and even skip workouts. That's frustrating because exercise is a huge component in how I manage side effects of my treatments and heal. Also, I realized I can't fathom fitting in a new program that's on top of my current regimen that I'm trying to adjust around my work schedule (or vice versa). 

This frustratingly reminded me I am in recovery. Which I knew. But the juxtaposition of picking up work (normal) and going to a trainer (normal) but then having a few exercises derail a week+ (not normal) stung. 

Re-entering the workspace also started triggering other reactions to my previous life. Like, in the shower, I just suddenly missed the feeling of shampooing my hair, which used to be shoulder-length. I never had a romantic relationship washing my hair, but I liked it, and when you have something taken away from you, it's a different type of thing to adjust to. 

I spent Friday on the couch. Every so often during treatment, I'd lie down and do a marathon of some series, and it was a good habit to be OK with. This week, my body begged for it, so it got what it needed. I'm glad it coincided with a part-time schedule and a holiday weekend. 

Related, I think having a tired body set back my radiation recovery a smidgen. I have the symptoms that say, "Go see your doctor," and conveniently I have a Wednesday appointment. 

I thought I was farther along than I am. 

Recovery takes so much work. 

I'll get there. 


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