Skip to main content

Top 4 breast things about breast cancer

I had a small gathering to kick off my chemo phase, and I read this: 

The 4 breast things about breast cancer 

4. You get a breast navigator! 


Yes. This is true. 


So,  you know me, I kinda have a dirty mind. 


So when I heard I was being assigned a “breast navigator,” I was like, Wait a minute, really? This sounds amazing! I have some questions: 


  • Is this service available at night time?  

  • Is my breast navigator hot? 

  • What is the average amount of time of said breast navigation service? 

  • Did you apply for this job? 

  • Is a penis navigator position available? 


Turns out it’s a legit position, and actually one of the best things. You get a direct line to a person who is the liaison among all the doctors and their primary nurses. So, this is the way medical care should be, right? And you get that by having breast cancer. 


Thank you to all the ladies who sold cookies for fundraisers and walked miles to raise money because breast cancer is apparently the one you want to get. 


3. I get to interact with all the doctors and nurses at Illinois Masonic medical center, which if you didn’t know this, is staffed by beautiful people. 


This has been a truth since I first started using this hospital’s services back in 2006, when I was struck by gastroenteritis on a Saturday night in boys town and ended up there, farting uncontrollably as literally the world’s most attractive men (plural) examined me. And it wasn’t just my opinion, ladies, I had my friend, my mom, and my aunt there, and they were all tongue-tied. 


So yeah, here I goooo. Single and committed to a full year of treatment. 


Wish me luck. 



2. I get to hear Richard Marx, my guilty pleasure music, in doctor’s office waiting rooms. Which means I get to hear him all the time. It’s like, the ultimate soft rock comfort lullaby playing in the background of the hot medical team. 


OK, that's a stolen joke from Richard Marx and not totally true now that I think about it. No music at my doctors! But I know it's happened before.



1. You get to play the cancer card! 


  • “Can you replace some lightbulbs that are out in my apartment? I have cancer.” 

  • “Can you replace my toilet seat? I have cancer.” 

  • “Can you pick up my wine shipment the UPS Store for me? I have cancer.”

  • “I’m sorry, officer, I didn’t know I was speeding. I was trying to meet with my breast navigator. I have cancer. And did I mention I’m a certified penis navigator. ” 


That’s a real list, btw, of shit I need done, so, any volunteers, let me know!


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sara's playbook for dealing with cancer

My care team has commended my playbook for managing symptoms and dealing with cancer treatment.  I can't compare my cancer experience to others', because everyone's cancer is different. But, I can say that I'm coming out of this feeling like a better version of myself, and I didn't experience the intensity of symptoms that most people experience.  I'm a firm believer in doing what I can to manage what's thrown at me and take control where I can.  Here's my playbook for dealing with cancer in case it's helpful.  Note: If you think it might help to share with someone who has a recent diagnosis, I recommend first asking them if they're open to a perspective on managing life during treatment, sharing only if they say yes.  I treated food as fuel. I learned which ingredients reduce inflammation and which ingredients help the body recover, and I chose foods with them instead of comfort foods as often as possible. These ingredients can be found across c...
1 comment
Read more

How I'm feeling: Warmth from returning to work

I went back to work this week, and the best word I can describe it is dreamy. You read that right.  I had the best welcome back from teammates and others. The best. I truly felt joy seeing them, and I received so much warmth and even love back, it really makes me count my blessings. The only triggers I had were problematic, institutional terms in our work that we haven't solved yet!  I also reviewed final content from a big project I had been working on before I left, getting to see how the team finished the foundation we started and how they applied the content guidelines I drove. I couldn't tell the difference between what I wrote and what they wrote, which is amazing! This is what you want to happen! It was also dreamy because my directive from my new manager and partner lead recognized my leadership and strategy skillset, versus a more tactical starting point of, "Can you write this line of copy?" Like I said, dreamy .  There was a weird part I got through. I re...
1 comment
Read more

How I'm doing: Positive reflections as I head back to work

My Florida trip brought paddle boarding, crystal clear waters, tequila, sunshine, and laughs with friends. My final few days before work are a wonderful balance of downtime, long walks with Monty, rest, and fitness. I was also asked to be one of the speakers at the hospital cancer center's Survivors' Day of Celebration this year. Yes, there's so much to celebrate!  And, it's fitting to share my reply to an e-poll question that I answered in a group of former colleagues. The question was, " If you could relive one year of your life, which would it be? "  Here's what I wrote:  " My first thought was age 26. I just remember it as coming into my own and having so much fun. Then I saw [so-and-so's]  mention of studying abroad, and my 2001 experience changed my life in so many ways. But my final answer, if I were to pick one year, would be this past year, actually!  "A year ago at this time I finally, finally just felt so comfortable in my own skin...
Post a Comment
Read more