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How I'm doing: Chemo week

Mentally I’m feeling neutral.

Physically I feel sore from hiking and working out this weekend! The nerve endings where the surgery impacted are growing back, so I’m sensitive to the touch. (Not in the good way, but it's fine.)

Here’s my lineup this week:

  • Monday: Dietician, reunite with Monty, and eat a ton of sushi in case they tell me not to have sushi during treatment 

  • Tuesday: Medical port installation procedure (sadly this is not a port wine drip, and I’m dreading it because it's a symbol of being "sick")

  • Wednesday: Education session at the cancer center (free parking! )

  • Thursday: Chemo and hormone therapy infusions begin. They will be longer for this first session (more free parking)

  • Friday: Acupuncture (to help with any symptoms and my usual athletic recovery)

…

The ambivert's challenge!

I’m trying to find a way to manage answering the question, “How are you feeling?” and the increase in communication. I'm normally an ambivert! I switch between recharging on my own and from getting energy from others. I'm leaning introvert these days.

I know and appreciate that folks care about how I'm doing. I’ll continue to update the site and this space when there’s a milestone or something changes in how I’m feeling since I last posted.

If you text and, if I respond with a heart or other emoji instead of sentences, please know that it means I’m OK, and I value and appreciate your checking in, but in that moment, I just don’t feel like talking, and I don’t want to leave you hanging. On the flip side, you can also send me an emoji to communicate, too, and I’ll know you’re thinking of me. Normal-life texts not about cancer are always welcome too!

Big hug, and thank you for understanding as I manage my feelings and adapt to this new role I've absorbed.

…

Reasons I’ve appreciated Sedona at this time in my life:

  • The very calm energy everywhere. When it’s not, it stands out.
  • Healthy food options everywhere you go! I ate plant-based the entire weekend! (Then I came home and had a Whopper and 2 leftover boob cupcakes. 🤣)
  • Random conversations between strangers sitting at a bar (during “healthy hour” no less) might get deep (they did!)
  • All the hiking!
  • And that gorgeous scenery
  • It's an easy place to get to and navigate, and I need easy right now.
Update on how I’m healing: It's good!

My oncology physical therapist told me she’s never seen anyone with as little swelling at this point, and most people have 4 or 5 issues going on with their post-op healing, while I only have 1. Exercise and diet must be paying off, which feels good!

The thing I’m dealing with is that the nerve endings that were damaged are repairing and growing back, which means my boob and armpit have been more sensitive to the touch. But, it won’t last forever, and it’s good news they’re repairing.


Why I hate that I'm getting a port

I can’t think about Tuesday’s port installation without tearing up. I hate that I’m having a visible appliance installed, and the type of placement makes me sick to think about. So I’m just going to do it, and deal with it, and learn about it as it happens.

  • I'm literally terrified of the thought of how it's physically installed.
  • I have no positive associations with when they're used. Symbol of being sick. Does anyone who's healthy have a catheter? If so, it's not an easy Google search. I'm going to work to change this perception and reframe the story in my head, but it's going to take some work to accept. I think of when my dad was sick and had complications during his treatment. Totally different placement, cancer, circumstances, etc., but they're hard to forget.
  • In the summer, I will not be able to easily hide it. And in service of normalizing it, I will probably not hide it, and I will just have to accept it.
I understand that there are more difficult appliances and devices people need to deal with! I'm just processing what's happening to me.

All that said ...

I really am going into this positioned as best as I could be. :) Thank you for supporting in all the ways you have. ❤️


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